`"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said.
 "Have you thought of going into teaching?"'

       -- Terry Pratchett, Mort


"Only one creature could have duplicated the expressions on their faces, and
 that would be a pigeon who has heard not only that Lord Nelson has got down
 off his column but has also been seen buying a 12-bore repeater and a box of
 cartridges."  -- Terry Pratchett, Mort


- "Pardon me for living, I'm sure."
- NO-ONE GETS PARDONED FOR LIVING.

       -- Terry Pratchett, Mort


"When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry."

       -- Terry Pratchett, Mort


"I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY."

  -- Death addresses his new apprentice (Terry Pratchett, Mort)


"Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the
 sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a
 million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer
 daffodils and no wonder."  -- Terry Pratchett, Mort


`"You're dead," he said. Keli waited. She couldn't think of any suitable reply.
 "I'm not" lacked a certain style, while "Is it serious?" seemed somehow too
 frivolous.'
             -- Princess Keli in trouble (Terry Pratchett, Mort)


"Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with
 that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote.
 The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote."
             -- Discworld politics explained (Terry Pratchett, Mort)


- I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD.  I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE.  I WAS
  THE ULTIMATE REALITY.  I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD.
- "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?"
                    -- Death consults a job broker (Terry Pratchett, Mort)


`"You won't get away with this," said Cutwell.  He thought for a bit and added,
 "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about it on
 your deathbed and you'll wish -- "  He stopped talking.'
 -- Cutwell tries to reason with the Duke of Sto Helit (Terry Pratchett, Mort)


`"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people
 used when they said to St George, "You killed a what?"'

            -- Mort tastes scumble for the first time (Terry Pratchett, Mort)