"I once absent-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant
 and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing
 and a bottle of chili sauce." -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces
 of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on.  Up until Doom, no one
 seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun.
 Eat leaden death, demon..."  -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"I'm referred to, I see, as 'the biggest banker in modern publishing'.
 Now there's a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading."
   -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"I think I would like to go into modelling.  Of course, I don't know how
 to do it, and wouldn't be any good at it if I did, so I'm going to
 employ someone to walk the catwalks on my behalf. It would still be me,
 of course..."  -- T.Pratchett learns Naomi Campbell has written a book.


"'They can ta'k our lives but they can never ta'k our freedom!'
 Now there's a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker..."
  -- Terry Pratchett on Braveheart, alt.fan.pratchett


"Dream on. British TV Is The Best In The World is on a par with the
 statement about how British Justice Is The Envy Of The World
 (`Hey, Miguel, how come we can't convict innocent people so quickly
 and expensively?')"  -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"You will have to look a long way before you find a bunch of scum-
 suckers more greedy, humourless and deserving of death than the suits
 in the music business."  -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"I do note with interest that old women in my books become
 young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the
 chronologically gifted."  -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"I don't think I've ever been critical of the money Douglas Adams
 makes, especially since, as has been tactfully pointed out, I myself
 have had to change banks having filled the first one up."
   -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett


"Oh dear, I'm feeling political today.  It's just that it's dawned on
 me that 'zero tolerance' only seems to mean putting extra police in 
 poor, run-down areas, and not in the Stock Exchange."
   -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett